Tuesday, November 22, 2005

How would you like your sacred cow burger cooked?

Well, if you are like me, you like your sacred cow burger cooked well done, with BBQ sauce, bacon, and cheddar cheese on a sesame seed bun. You like to put the left-overs in the refrigerator and eat them later the same day. You like to take the bones of the sacred cows and grind them into fertilizer and spread them over the pasture. You like to take the hide of the sacred cow and turn it into a matching set of leather boots and jacket.

Of course, a dinner salad and baked potato go along rather nicely, too.

If you like your sacred cows cooked the way I do, then you too must be a fan of South Park, the show that cooks sacred cows to a crisp on a regular basis.

This week's episode was a classic. Scientology took it on the chin from the South Park team. Tom Cruise and John Travolta, two of Hollywood's most noted Scientologists, get some ribbing along the way.

There's just too much to cover in this episode, so I'll give you my favorites.

In the show, one of the show's regulars (Kyle, as I recall) is deemed to be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, the hack science fiction writer that founded this "religion" in the 1950's. As he has no knowledge of Scientology's truths, the leader of the church explains to him the events that occurred 75 million years ago. As this leader narrates these events, the program goes into a montage of those events.

What happened 75 million years ago, you ask? It seems there was this evil dictator in an over-populated galaxy. He froze billions of beings and shipped them to pre-historic earth and dropped their frozen bodies in volcanoes. The spirits of these beings tried to escape from the earth, but our evil dictator was prepared for this. He had devices placed above the earth that forced the spirits to stay on earth. Those spirits are called Thetans, and they plague us to this day. If you have any problems, it's because of the Thetans. And only Scientologists can help you overcome these Thetans.

What made this bit so juicy was that while these events were being narrated and depicted on screen, the phrase "This is what Scientologists really believe" was super-imposed on the screen the entire time. Too funny.

Toward the end, Kyle decides he is not going to play along with the fraud being perpetuated by the Scientologists and publicly denounces them in the press conference they've arranged for him. When Kyle breaks away from them, the Scientologists tell him they will sue him. It goes something like this:

Leader: We're going to sue you.
Kyle: Fine, sue me.
L: Okay, we will.
K: Good.
L: You are so sued.
K: Then sue me then.
L: We will sue you.
K: Sue me.

Back and forth, back and forth......

After this, the credits begin to roll. Every name in the credits is John Smith or Jane Smith, so as not to get sued. Hilarious.

Click on this link to see the schedule for South Park on Comedy Central.

I know. I know. The show can be very crude and rude. But it also has the most biting social commentary found anywhere on television.

Ah, the smell of sacred cow burgers. Delish.


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